Talking About It – Men’s Mental Health Month

November is Men’s Mental Health Month — a time that always used to pass me by but that's changed in the last few years.

As I’ve got older, life has started to feel heavier in ways I didn’t expect. It’s not one big thing — more a build-up of small pressures. Work, travel, relationships, responsibilities, getting older — all the things you want, but that come with a weight of their own. The constant push to keep performing, stay productive, look like you’ve got it all figured out. That comes partly with the job I have, but also comes with life in todays world. The constant pressure, and expectations...

For years (which I only look back on now), I did what most of us do — I got on with it. I told myself it was just part of being driven. Everyone’s tired. Everyone’s stressed. That’s normal, right?

But slowly, it started to chip away at me. I’d find myself lying awake at night, mind racing about things that didn’t really matter. Feeling drained even when things were going well. Snapping at small stuff. Losing focus. I wasn’t falling apart, but I wasn’t at peace either.

And that’s the thing — it doesn’t always look like a crisis. Sometimes it’s just an ongoing sense that you’re not where you should be.

I remember the time that I realised that I was broken. It was just after Xmas. I was sat on my bed, and a just started to cry. I didn't know why, I couldn't explain it and that’s when I realised something needed to change. What that was at the time I couldn't tell, but it couldn't continue.

This is where I found life coach Scott Hardiman. I didn’t really know what to expect. But those sessions I had with him became a turning point. Scott helped me strip back the noise — the goals, the grind, the constant need to be “on” — and look at what was really driving me. What I actually wanted out of all this.

We talked about purpose, balance, and how easy it is to mistake busyness for progress. I started to see how much of my life was built around momentum — always moving, never pausing long enough to check if the direction still made sense.

But even with that awareness, I realised I needed to go deeper.

A few months later I started seeing a counsellor who I've now been working with for almost 2 years now. And that’s been a different kind of work entirely. There’s no performance there, no goal-setting — just honesty. Having someone neutral to talk to, to really unpack things I didn’t even know were sitting in the background, has been huge.

It’s not about being “fixed.” It’s about understanding yourself better — why you react the way you do, why certain things hit harder than they should, why you find it so hard to switch off. It’s uncomfortable at times, but it’s also freeing. It’s helped me understand who I am outside of what I do. It's helped me talk about things that happened in the past, things that I might have felt didn't matter or were perhaps put in "the past" but now could really explain how I might feel today.

And while all that’s been happening, running has become something that's helped me through some rocky times.  Especially when I’m travelling. There’s something about being on the move — just you, the road, and a bit of space to think — that makes everything clearer. It’s time away from screens, from pressure, from everyone else’s noise. (I wrote more about that here)

Between travel, coaching, counselling, and running, I’ve started to find something that’s been missing for a long time: perspective.

If you’re a guy reading this and any of it sounds familiar — that low-level pressure, that constant background noise that never really switches off — I can tell you this: you’re not the only one. We just don’t talk about it enough and that's why I wanted to write this post.

Men’s Mental Health Month isn’t about making a big statement online. It’s about being honest — with yourself first. About noticing when something feels off and having the courage to do something about it.

Getting help doesn’t make you weak. It doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means you’ve recognised that the way you’ve been doing things isn’t working anymore. That’s strength, not softness.

Working with Scott, and with my counsellor, has been the best thing I’ve done for myself in years. I’m not perfect — no one is — but I feel more grounded now. More aware. More present.

So if you’ve been thinking about talking to someone — do it. Don’t wait for things to fall apart. Don’t wait for the burnout, or the blow-up, or the “wake-up call.” Start before you need to. I have talked about counsellors and coaches - but

Because looking after your mental health isn’t a luxury — it’s the foundation everything else rests on.

It really is ok to not be ok.